Gratitude In The Midst of Deep Hurt

Nearly every Thanksgiving, I try and post something that will at least remind me of the importance of being thankful — without regard to present circumstances. My long-time teacher, mentor, colleague, and friend, the late Roy W. McKinney, could often be heard saying something like,”The greatest virtue missing among believers today is gratitude.” I doubt that sentiment was based on any scientific polling, but I am confident he was probably right. That he has been dead for more than 30 years and I still can hear him saying that says something about its impact on my life and thinking.

Vicki and I were both raised to think writing thank-you notes was something other than optional. Both of our daughters were raised the same way. I’m proud to say that they both learned the lesson well! And, I hope it did for them what it did for Vicki and me: writing thank-you notes is a spiritual discipline about the importance of gratitude. Being thankful should be a daily discipline, not a once-a-year moment. (And I’m not complaining about the once-a-year moment.)

So it is getting late on Thanksgiving evening. I decided early on today that this year, I’d give the normal Facebook post about Thanksgiving a pass. Yet the Bible I read — and tell my family, my friends, and my students that I believe to be the trustworthy Word of God — tells me, “in everything, give thanks.” Could this be a “put up or shut up” kind of moment for me on Thanksgiving 2021?

In all the years I’ve preached on Thanksgiving Sunday, I don’t think I ever preached a “three things I’m thankful for” kind of sermon. I’m not much of a “list making” kind of thinker. So I don’t intend this to be a list — but just a personal reminder to me of the value of “in everything give thanks.”

I have a fantastic family, starting with my two daughters and son-in-law. On both sides of our immediate family, we have family members who care deeply for us and would drop whatever they needed to in order to be helpful. How could one not be thankful for that – even in the midst of deep hurt?

My text and email inboxes have been filled today with notes from colleagues and friends acknowledging that they understood it would be a difficult Thanksgiving Day for us — “weird” is the word I like — and that they cared for us and were praying for us. How could one not be thankful for that, even in the midst of deep hurt?

Every year around Advent, my personal Bible reading plan goes to Isaiah, and during the season of preparation for the birth of Jesus, I read through the Old Testament prophets. Two days ago, I was in Isaiah 11 — verses 6-9 especially offer great comfort, and then verse 10: “Then it will come about in that day that the nations will resort to the root of Jesse, who will stand as a signal for the peoples; and his resting place will be glorious.” The Bible I believe to be trustworthy tells me that the “God who created the world and everything in it” (Acts 17) is a God who keeps His promise. Those words jump off the page of my Bible like the sound of a great trumpet telling me “all is well.” How could one not be thankful for that — even in the midst of deep hurt?

This picture was taken Tuesday, after the girls and I decorated Vicki’s favorite (among more trees than I want to admit that she liked to put up in our house) Christmas tree. Notice the ornaments are all purple! I argued with myself about whether or not I wanted to put up any tree — especially that one — this year. But it’s up, and it reminds me of just over 48 years of incredible blessing. That reminder causes hurt — she left me and our children too soon. But even more, it reminds me of great joy. Every time I stop by the cemetery, I say a prayer of thanksgiving for what is to me the indescribable blessing of the fact that she was willing to be my wife and the mother of my children. How could one not be thankful for that — even in the midst of deep hurt?

I was in the eleventh grade when my dad’s oldest brother, Uncle Campbell, died too young and very unexpectedly. It was right before Christmas. My grandfather had been in the hospital, but had come home just before Uncle Campbell died in the middle of the night. I remember being with my grandparents, helping out as the oldest grandson, when my Dad came by to talk with them. My grandmother was heartbroken beyond measure. She had already lost one son, killed in action right after the end of World War II. I’ll never forget what my Dad said to her and my grandfather that morning. It went like this: “I’m heartbroken, too. But what I know is that the joy of knowing Campbell as my oldest brother is more than worth all the hurt I’m feeling right now.”

I’m going to go with my dad on that — and adjust it a little. The pain of losing Vicki in this life hurts deeply. But the joy of my life as her husband is so great that it is more than worth all the hurt I’m feeling right now. I’m pretty sure my children would simply substitute “her daughter” for “her husband” and say a hearty amen!

How could one not be thankful for that — even in the midst of deep hurt? Perhaps especially in the midst of deep hurt.

Happy Thanksgiving!